Staff
Two co-founders, two coolers, two entirely incompatible views of risk. Chief is the accelerator. Gordy is the parking brake.
Clayton Whitaker · 42 · Las Vegas Raiders
“Floor is a word invented by cowards.”
Chief is a forty-two-year-old Raiders fan from a small town outside Tulsa, Oklahoma, where business casual means wearing the polo shirt without barbecue sauce on it.
Fernando Mendoza is signed, healthy and on the roster. Kirk Cousins is taking the first-team reps. Veterans report tomorrow and Las Vegas is already telling on itself.
He climbed ten spots to around pick 123 this week and the market still has not caught up. Eighteen months off the second ACL, visibly bigger, and Carolina has done absolutely nothing to block the lane.
They wrote rules to stop holdouts, so agents invented showing up to the building and refusing to go outside. Folks, that is not a labor tactic. That is my uncle at a family reunion.
It gets posted every July. It gets four hundred replies. Two hundred of them say no. And folks, I am here to tell you that the two hundred saying yes are not entirely wrong.
Gordon Earl Maddox · 40 · Cleveland Browns
“Never confuse a possibility with a plan.”
Gordy is a forty-year-old Browns fan from southern Kentucky who possesses the weary humor of a man who has repaired the same lawn mower eleven times because buying a new one would feel like surrender.
Deshaun Watson is healthy. Shedeur Sanders got real spring reps. Todd Monken wanted a starter named before camp and did not get one. Friends, that is not a good sign, and I say that as a man who has never had a good sign.
Jaydon Blue is still fighting Phil Mafah for the number two job behind a re-signed Javonte Williams. People keep calling that a competition. So is a raccoon in a garage.
Nobody has repeated as the position's top scorer since Kelce's run ended in 2020. Trey McBride wore it last year. He is also entering year one of a brand new offense. Friends, read those two sentences together.
The ankle and fibula ended his rookie year. The reports coming out of New York this month have been optimistic. Friends, I am not an optimistic man, and even I have moved him up.