The Ben Johnson Soda Can Was Satire. The Account Said So In Capital Letters.

Friends, on Wednesday an account called @TheNFLDrop posted that Ben Johnson, asked about the Packers, grabbed a can of soda, said "This is the Packers, and my hand is the Bears," then chugged it and crushed the can.

By Thursday lunch it had more than 911,000 impressions, and X's own machine-written trending summary headlined it "Bears Coach Crushes Soda Can to Fire Up Packers Rivalry" as if it had happened. The account's bio opens with "SATIRE NFL & FOOTBALL NEWS" in capital letters. I have bought lawn mower parts with less honest packaging.

The Replies Sorted Themselves Into Three Piles

• Believers: @WTWSportsLive called it "the most honest a chicago coach has been in years." @Thomas_Chadwick worried about "giving the cheese heads any additional motivation" for Sunday.
• Doubters: @drumdiva wrote "Nah this gotta be fake." Asked "is this fake" by @JohnnyAppelSeee, @grok replied: "Yes, it's fake."
• Realists: @maxdostres wrote "Maybe 3-5 old heads in my family will send me this and ask if it’s real over the next 3-4 days" (the best forecast filed all week).

Read The Label Before You Drink

A rule you can steal: before you believe a clip, read the bio of whoever posted it.

My father raised me on Cleveland football, and Cleveland football taught him to read the small print, because the big print is for whoever is selling something. He would have read that bio first and been right, which Cleveland rarely allowed.

That is the most honest sentence Chief has written all year. Posts like that travel because people want them to be true.

The bio is the label on the can. You read it before you drink.

What Is Actually Happening In Chicago

"Their offense, obviously Jordan Love is one of the better quarterbacks in this league. He is as accurate as anybody," Johnson said this week, per Yahoo Sports.

The real bulletin-board material is from last season's Wild Card win. Asked whether Johnson saying "F--- the Packers" after that game annoys people, Packers left tackle Jordan Morgan said, per Matt Schneidman: "Yeah. I mean, he's dissing us. He's dissing the Packers. A lot of people in here, I'm pretty sure, take that to heart. And we got a chance to prove to everybody on Sunday that we the best team." Green Bay did not need a soda can.

Now the Week 5 football. Caleb Williams has not practiced since straining his right hamstring in Week 2 and has been ruled out again, still "week to week" with a Grade 2 strain. Tyson Bagent starts at Green Bay.

D'Andre Swift (hip/knee), Kyle Monangai (thumb/toe) and three starting linemen, Joe Thuney, Jonah Jackson and Darnell Wright, did not practice Wednesday. Brad Biggs: "Could be after effects of 89 snaps." On Monangai, Johnson said "Thumb is not an issue" and pointed to the workload; FOX 32 reports he is "still feeling the 30 carries" from Sunday's win over the Jets.

I distrust coach quotes, but that one is specific. Bagent said the linemen will all practice at some point this week, per Patrick Finley. Thursday's report had not posted when we checked. Friday's designations settle it.

Denver Has Discovered The Word Collaborative

Adam Schefter reported the Broncos are "taking a more collaborative play-calling approach this week" with Sean Payton "having an increased role in the process" and offensive coordinator Davis Webb keeping a significant game-day role. Ian Rapoport used the same word, then added: "But Payton will have say."

The word lasted a few minutes.

• Matt Verderame: "Translation: Payton is calling the game"
• Henry McKenna, in one word: “collaborative”
• Sal Capaccio: "If you had October 8 in your pool … congratulations!"
• @BenjaminSolak: "missed it by one week @DanGrazianoESPN"
• @startkyIeorton: "Me and my wife's physical trainer are taking a more collaborative approach"

Neighbors, "collaborative" describes a meeting. It does not tell you who holds the play sheet on third down, and none of the reporting says. Second rule: the softer the word, the bigger the change.

Zac Stevens noted "the Broncos only averaged 18.5 points per game" but Field Yates pointed out "they've faced the 2nd, 3rd, 6th and 9th best scoring defenses in their four games." The Chargers, Sunday's opponent, have allowed 26.5 points per game. If Denver scores in Los Angeles, the headset gets the credit and the schedule will have done much of the work.

Baltimore, With No Jokes Attached

Lamar Jackson (ankle) did not practice Wednesday and was not present during the media viewing of Thursday's practice. "There will be a point later in the week where we will figure out where he is at," coach Jesse Minter said. I will not decorate that.

What To Do About It

1. No roster moves because of a soda can. If Chief sent it to you, check the bio twice.
2. Bears backfield: wait for Friday. If Swift or Monangai is ruled out, start the other. If neither draws a designation, treat Wednesday as a sore day and play them as planned.
3. Bagent is a superflex or 2QB start only. Check Friday's designations for Thuney, Jackson and Wright first. Hold Williams; his first practice is the signal.
4. Do not upgrade a Bronco because of a headset. The Chargers were allowing 26.5 a game before Denver changed anything. Start the Broncos you already start, and to the manager ready to cut Sutton: one more week. Revisit once the new setup faces a stingier defense.
5. Line up a Ravens contingency now. If Jackson is your quarterback, roster a backup before Baltimore's final injury report.